Lonely
by PearlQ19
Summary: One-shot, set after 2x10, "Donut Run". Just a look into Veronica's head. Slightly LoVe 'shippy, of course. My first VM FF, so please be nice :


_A/N:__ Rarely have I been so quickly, and seriously, been hooked on a show. I started watching VM simply because I didn't have anything else to do, but it turned out to be absolutely addictive. I wrote this when I was in the middle of season 2, and it was actually meant to be the prologue to a longer story, but as I've seen half of season 3 now as well, it seemed better to have the long story set after the series finale, so this prologue no longer fitted in. So I decided to make it a one-shot and post it as my very first VM fanfic. That said, please go ahead and read, and don't forget your review…_

_Classification:__ One-shot set after 2x10, "Donut Run". Just a look into Veronica's head. Some drama, some romance, and implied LoVe 'shipping._

_Disclaimer:__ Not mine. I wouldn't have cancelled the show before Logan and Veronica got back together! I'm borrowing Rob Thomas's characters in the hope to do them justice._

_**Lonely**_

Sometimes I think I'm simply too kind-hearted for this world. Yeah, I know, ninety-nine percent of the population of Neptune would probably disagree, but get this: I actually helped my boyfriend – not to mention the illegitimate child he got from another girl – escape the country. There was nothing in it for me, except heartbreak and loneliness.

Which is exactly what I'm feeling now that Duncan is gone. Why is it that the boys I fall in love with always seem to have major issues? I'm talking major, MAJOR issues here – issues such as lecherous fathers, murdered sisters, mental illness, illegitimate children, dead girlfriends. That's actually something they have in common, come to think of it. Scary, huh? Boyfriend B's dad kills boyfriend A's sister, who also happens to be boyfriend B's girlfriend… and now boyfriend A's ex girlfriend also got killed. I should probably be glad that this girlfriend-killing tradition wasn't continued. And somewhere in the middle of all this mess there's me, Veronica Mars, sleuth extraordinaire and obnoxious pain in the ass – depending on who you ask.

If you asked me right now, I would say I'm neither: today I'm simply a very sad, very lonely teenage girl who tries not to spend all day bawling her eyes out over boyfriend A. Oh, and while I'm wallowing in self-pity, why don't we throw in the fact that boyfriend B absolutely hates me now – the way he used to before he became my boyfriend. He seems to go out of his way to hurt me whenever he can. What he doesn't know is that he really doesn't need to make such a great effort. My heart aches even when I only look at him.

There, I've said it. Yes, it's true. How could it not be true? Things ended badly between Logan and myself, and don't believe for a moment I'm truly over it, over him – although I try to lie to myself, of course; a girl's gotta have her pride. But I can still see us the way we were, the way it started – secretly. On the outside, he was still the jackass who teased and mocked me. But the real him was someone very different. I don't think there are many people who really know Logan. Duncan, maybe, and me… I don't think even Lilly ever did. Logan probably loved her more than she loved him, or more than she _could_ love him. He never said that, but I noticed. In some ways, I could read Logan like an open book; in other ways, I never even came close to understanding him. But that was exactly why I loved him.

Do I still love Logan? Do I still love Duncan? I don't know. All I know is that I'm missing them both, each in their own way, and that I feel lonely without them. And unfortunately, this is a kind of loneliness that not even Wallace can cure.

I'm glad he's back from Chicago. I'd probably be much worse of without him. He really is my best friend; he is there for me when I'm about to crack. I've cried and I've ranted, and he never left my side. It takes a real friend to stay with me when I'm like that.

Yes, I'm glad Wallace is there. But even when he manages to cheer me up, there's this little hollow in my chest, right in the place where Duncan used to be. Where both of them used to be.

Duncan's gone. I know I've lost him for good, but I wish him well. He said he loved me – always had, always would. Logan is a different story. He never told me such things, yet it hurts me more to think of him, probably because he is still around. Funny how the mere presence of another person can make you feel so much lonelier than when you are alone.

**xxxTHE ENDxxx**


End file.
